There’s this great book about self-esteem and personal power called “How full is your bucket?” by  Tom Rath.

The idea of the book is that we all have a bucket (our sense of self) and when it’s “full”, that means we are feeling good about ourselves, feeling safe, feeling like we belong. Unfortunately our bucket can be emptied by lots of things. Put downs, being left out, being ignored, feeling dumb, feeling scared…the list goes on. When our bucket is empty, we sometimes try to fill it up by emptying someone else’s bucket. We feel like we can get back our power by taking away someone else’s. We have all done this. We have all had it done to us. No one feels better for long. Not really.

The good news is, the easiest way to fill your bucket is to fill someone else’s. Help someone less fortunate. A smile can change someone’s day. Ask a friend to join you on a walk. Let someone know you appreciate them. Do a good job, not for the praise, but because it feels really good to take pride in your work.

Here’s the thing…

Our personal power, child or adult, doesn’t come from controlling, putting down or hurting others. When we see people who are mean or negative or aggressive, it’s important to remember that they aren’t really feeling powerful and their bucket is likely empty. Then it’s important to wonder why that person is feeling so empty. It’s not ok for anyone to try to build themselves up by putting you down. When someone puts us down we have conflict resolution, restorative justice, mediation and a variety of other strategies and structures in place to deal with the conflict. But the empathy we can offer – while holding firm personal boundaries – is a gift.

People who feel good about themselves don’t feel the need to belittle, laugh at or put down others. When someone disagrees with or doesn’t understand another person, the appropriate thing is to share differing opinions, have an open mind, work together to find conflict resolution or agree to disagree.

Today is thanksgiving. I’m really thankful that I have learned that others don’t decide about how I feel about myself – good or bad. If I’m feeling badly about myself it’s because I’m choosing that mindset. I can choose how to get out of that mindset too. We all can. I’m proud that we are teaching the students in our school the same lesson.

I saw a great quote today. Gratitude – the thing that makes what you have – enough. I’m grateful for so much in my life.  This new challenging job, for working with amazing people (staff, students, parents) and for being back in the town I grew up in.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Stacy